she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
