There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
