Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
