I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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