I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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