I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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