chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize