What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Houston, we have a blender
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
