I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
