Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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