so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
