im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
