One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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