he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
