remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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