I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
