I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize