When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize