just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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