You can't motorboat a personality
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
