He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
