Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
