what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
