Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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