yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
