I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
