hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize