this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm really busy with my period
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