Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
