I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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