The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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