so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
