I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
