You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
