next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
