i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
