john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
