Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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