Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
