just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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