Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
