she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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