I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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