so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
