literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
