Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
