I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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