If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
