Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
