dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
