If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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