I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
