Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I sprained my soul last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
