Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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