Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
