I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
