I'm really into asian looking animals
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
