She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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