He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
