Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
