The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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