Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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