Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
