There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
