i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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