my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
