Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
