so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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