I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
