May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
